Three weeks in the past, I left my house to an uncommon sight: My shiny blue BMW, normally sitting so proudly on the curb in entrance of my house, had been changed with a street-parked SUV. The bike wasn’t forward of the automotive, nor behind it. It wasn’t on its aspect someplace, it wasn’t on the nook, and a fast look on the AirTag hidden below its seat confirmed me it was, in actual fact on its approach to Queens.
Shit. Somebody stole my motorbike. I used to be planning to eliminate it, certain, however not like this. Not like this. It was speculated to go to somebody who’d take care of it, who’d adore its rigidly German do-everything practicality, who’d give it the vast open highways and verdant rolling hills that it deserv — wait, insurance coverage is providing how a lot in comparison with my asking worth? That recontextualizes this. This isn’t so unhealthy, truly.
The GS — named Sophie, after Cell Go well with Gundam: The Witch from Mercury’s Sophie Pulone — disappeared on avenue cleansing day, which kicked off an entire journey of trying to find out whether or not the New York Metropolis Division of Sanitation had towed it. This meant checking the sanitation web site, calling the native NYPD precinct, checking the positioning once more, calling 911, being instructed to name 311, being instructed to attend a pair hours and name 911 once more, checking the sanitation web site once more, and ultimately coping with 4 esteemed officers of our wonderful and very fairly funded police division.
4 cops confirmed up, requested basic questions, and referred to as the Division of Sanitation. They had been instructed that Sanitation hadn’t towed something, and actually doesn’t tow plated automobiles, and wouldn’t even be open to verify till Monday. The cops then instructed me to name Sanitation the next day — Saturday, well-known for not being Monday — to verify whether or not it had been towed. The factor Sanitation stated they didn’t and wouldn’t do. The cops then proceeded to do completely zero paperwork, so I needed to do the entire dance once more the following day. New York’s best.
After that complete debacle, although, issues improved. In reality, they felt like they had been going too properly — isn’t insurance coverage speculated to be tough? Isn’t insurance coverage speculated to low ball you? Isn’t it speculated to be a drag to get something out of them, a course of so infuriating that you simply ultimately surrender they usually get to maintain your cash?
My GS had been listed on Fb for months earlier than this theft, sitting idly whereas chilly climate cooled the motorbike market. I’d been asking $7,000 there, and I hadn’t even gotten lowballers or tire kickers — only a two commerce gives and a single “how low are you able to go” that by no means even made a suggestion. Fb Market is normally a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the place any sale is preceded by months of bad-faith negotiations, however I wasn’t even getting that. For me, it was desolate.
Insurance coverage, in contrast, was easy. Positive, I needed to haul myself out to The Center Of Goddamn Nowhere, Lengthy Island to really get a verify, however that was the final step in what was finally a quite simple course of — a course of worthwhile sufficient to justify shopping for my new-to-me Suzuki GSX-8R as a alternative for the GS. Additionally a canopy for the Suzuki, in hopes of stopping historical past from repeating itself.
I’m not going to go recommending that individuals get their bikes stolen as an alternative of promoting them, however I’m shocked at how properly it labored out for me. Fb Market is hell on Earth, and in some way even coping with the insurance coverage trade is an enchancment over the common Market tire kicker. I’m as shocked as you’re — a bit of bit, however not totally.
