Chelsea Handler Roasts Blake Full of life-Justin Baldoni Struggle, Melania Trump In Critics Selection Monologue

Initially slated for mid-January, the awards had been moved to Friday night time after the Los Angeles wildfires. Proper on the high of the present, Handler stood in entrance of a gaggle of first responders within the viewers, thanking them for his or her service — as everybody within the room then received on their ft for a standing ovation.

After a video highlighting the most effective in movie and TV over the previous yr, Handler then hit the stage for her precise opening monologue.

“I’m your DEI host, Chelsea Handler. I wanna acknowledge that we have been by loads currently … our total nation, waking up each day, not realizing what information we’re gonna hear that may disappoint and horrify us,” she started, earlier than mentioning how essential it’s to have distractions in occasions like these.

“That is why I wish to personally prolong my gratitude to Justin Baldoni and Blake Full of life. I am grateful, I feel we’re all grateful and I feel we’re good,” she stated to laughter from the viewers.

“I feel all people on this room, irrespective of whose aspect your individual, we will all agree to simply accept that there is most likely not going to be a sequel. It ends with us, guys.”

She then introduced up the way it was her third time internet hosting the present, making the gig her “second longest relationship.”

“My first being with the previous head of this very community, shoutout to Ted Harbert … that was again when it was nonetheless cool to sleep together with your boss. Not so cool anymore,” quipped the previous E! host. “I spent 7 years on this community and through that point, I used to be the one girl internet hosting a late night time present. And now, 11 years later, look how far we have come.”

“In 2025, the simplest strategy to have a late night time discuss present as a lady is to have the creators of Hacks write a fictional story about it,” she deadpanned, earlier than then pointing to the bandage on her arm and joking, “Seems St. Dennis Medical isn’t an actual hospital. However David Alan Grier does give one hell of a pap smear.”

Telling everybody to “drink up” as a result of “these may very well be the top of occasions,” she then introduced up all the previous little one stars who discovered success this yr, together with Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande.

“Now Ariana has even discovered love with a Munchkin!” she joked, although it did not fairly get the response from the viewers that she clearly anticipated. “That is excellent news all people!” she added, after the quip fell flat.

After praising the ladies within the room, together with June Squibb, Demi Moore and Pamela Anderson, she gave a particular shoutout to Cynthia Erivo — earlier than then joking about her press tour with Grande. “The 2 of all of them over one another. I bear in mind the primary time I did molly,” she cracked.

Mentioning nominee Ralph Fiennes, Handler then stated, “you’ve got performed a ruthless Nazi, evil lord Voldemort and now a celibate cardinal and by some means made me wish to have intercourse with you in all three roles,” she stated, as some screams got here from the viewers.

“I’m not alone. You have made some actually unsexy individuals very attractive. So I am begging you, please, by no means play Vladimir Putin. I am unable to do this once more,” she stated.

After then celebrating a few of this yr’s musical performances — together with Nicole Kidman hitting “some notes I’ve by no means heard earlier than” whereas pleasuring herself in Babygirl — she talked about the “films for straight individuals,” or biopics, like A Full Unknown, Maria and Anora. The latter, she quipped, was “about Melania Trump.” In that film, Mikey Madison performs a stripper/intercourse employee.

“That was a wild, wild trip. Russians and prostitutes, who would have ever linked these dots. Definitely nobody on this room,” joked Handler.

She then pointed to Abbott Elementary’s Janelle James, mentioning how “incompetent” her college principal is on the sitcom. “I am shocked she hasn’t been tapped to run the true division of schooling!” stated Handler.

Handler’s monologue began to wind down by citing Colin Farrell’s 4-hour transformation to change into the titular mobster in The Penguin, joking, “Now we all know how lengthy it takes to make Colin Farrell not f–kable … however actually I would nonetheless hit these flippers.”

She then ended with this: “On a much less private observe, tonight is about all of you. A few of you’ll win, a few of you’ll lose and a few of you’ll simply be within the background questioning your life selections, like Cheryl Hines at a Senate affirmation listening to. So let’s get the present began!”